I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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