I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
