I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
