I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
