I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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