Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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