Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
