it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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