She said her name was "party"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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