I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
