Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
