who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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