I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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