glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
