I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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