she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
