Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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