Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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