you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
