Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
