im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
