if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
