i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
