is your mom at the bar?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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