new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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