By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So many bounce houses so little time
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
