i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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