what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
