Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
