I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize