Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
