Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
