I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
