Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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