Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
