when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
