I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
