he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
