you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
