Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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