Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
