haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Fuck appropriateness.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
