peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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