You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
