I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize