the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
