you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
