Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
