my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
