my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
