dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
