4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
ugly people sure do ruin things
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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