You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize