I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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