I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
