it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
