I just pynch a tree in the face
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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