I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's never too late to be topless.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
