i need an iv and a liver transplant
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
