After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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