***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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