Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
