I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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