Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
