i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
