drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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