Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
