So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
