So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
