If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
