I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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