Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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