At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
