I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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